There are a number of taboos in the Filipino culture that are best avoided at all costs. Most Filipinos are very friendly, loving and hospitable people but there are some actions exhibited by both expats and Filipinos alike that can put you on the wrong side of a gun in a heartbeat! I have found that most Filipinos are more tolerable toward expats than they are toward their kabayan and they just chalk it up as being ignorant of the culture. I know very well due to personal experiences that anyone is capable of having a bad day and most anyone can, in the heat of the moment, go off on you! Everyone has limits and it just depends on how hard those limits are pushed as to their reaction.
Avoiding Conflict and Saving Face
Among the expats in the Philippines, I have personally witnessed Americans being the culprits more often than not regarding insulting and degrading Filipinos in public. Scolding and confronting any Filipino in public is a big taboo! More than one person has lost their life because of such behavior. I have witnessed expats dressing down Filipinos in stores, in restaurants and in government offices. Most often, the Filipino smiles and even apologizes for no reason. This calming effect works on some expats but not all of them. Some decide to escalate even more! There have been a few times when I told the expat to calm down and I have been cursed out and threatened but I felt another expat should speak up and try defusing the situation.
Pointing at others, staring and curling your finger in a gesture of calling someone over are to be avoided at all times in the Philippines, no matter which island you are on. I even avoid the accepted gesture in the Philippines for calling someone over, which is palm of hand facing down and a downward motion. I just don’t feel comfortable using it, being a foreigner in the Philippines, as it does not seem respectful to others in my opinion.
If you are involved in a personal conflict with a Filipino, it is best to say as little as possible and leave them a graceful way out. Even a usually mild mannered person can strike if you back them into a corner! Allow them to save face. It is much better often times to just back down and let things slide, especially over conflicts involving Western Culture vs Filipino Culture. This is the Philippines and remember, Filipino culture prevails! So, be willing to take a back seat concerning using Western logic.
Filipino Etiquette
When you visit a Filipino home, it is proper to stop at the door and start the action of taking your shoes off. The host will either let you finish or else they will tell you to keep your shoes on! If the host says it is fine to keep your shoes on, it is fine. It is considered rude to walk into someone’s home wearing shoes without at least asking if it is acceptable. It is very much appreciated when visiting a Filipino home to take a small gift, even if it is only special fruit or pastries. This shows respect for the host and their family. They will do the same for you and your family when they visit your home!
Putting your feet on furniture in someone’s home is considered very rude. You should wait until the host indicates your seat rather than walking straight into someone’s home and flopping down on the sofa or in a chair.
Most Filipinos realize that foreigners do not use a term of endearment or a title before speaking someone’s name but Filipinos do when addressing one another. Words such as ate, kuya, manang and manong are used when addressing someone who is older. I have thousands of nieces and nephews it seems! I am Tito Gary, even to those younger who are not actually my relatives.
I could write a book about the Filipino culture, as it has many aspects, it is diverse and it can be very complicated to the Western mind! I have shared a few common mistakes that foreigners make during their interactions with Filipinos. Much of the cultural etiquette is plain common sense but that is somewhat lacking with some expats and some expats just don’t give a damn! They see themselves as superior to Filipinos and they do what they do because they think they can. Some brag that they have acted the same way in the Philippines for years and no one has called them out or harmed them. However, all it takes is being in the wrong place at the wrong time and pissing the wrong person off to have your very life snuffed out in the blink of an eye. Breaking some cultural taboos in any country can get you killed faster than a bullet!
Enjoy your life in the Philippines and the number one piece of advice I can give is to respect the local people at all times. Avoid a pissing contest because you will lose every time.
Thanks for the information we we’ll be at her parents house in the morning.
You are welcome, Phil. Have a great time!
~ Gary ~
Thanks, very interesting, I will be there on march 23rd for my month long vacation. I am so ready to leave the US and enjoy life 🙂 I always try not to be the ugly foreigner so I always try to treat everyone with respect. It is always a good habit to treat everyone with respect regardless of who they are. 🙂
It is nice hearing from you, Rick. March 23 will be here before you know it and you can begin enjoying the Philippines once again. That is great you will be here for a month and I am sure you have many things planned.
Have a great trip and a wonderful time!
~ Gary ~
Good stuff… We’ve been traveling to the Philippines every other year since 2005. My wife is from Iloilo. We are planning to retire in the Philippines in 7 years from now. I really love everything Philippines has to offer. I will be 50 when I retire there… I really enjoy all your articles and hope read more in the near future… Thanks Luis
That is great, Luis, and I hope the time flies for you and your wife so you can retire to the Philippines. Iloilo is another one of my favorite areas in the Philippines. Thank you again for reading and enjoying my articles. You can look for new articles every week on Retiring to the Philippines, as I enjoy sharing my experiences of life in the Philippines.
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
Thank you very much for this article Mr. Murrain, especially for the the 3rd paragraph, “Avoiding Conflict and Saving Face”. Anthropologists have contrasted that much of understanding the Philippine or the Eastern culture if you may, has to do with appreciating high and low context cultural differences.
High-context cultures (Middle East, Asia, Africa, and South America) are relations-focused, collectivist, intuitive, and contemplative. This means that people in these cultures puts premium on interpersonal relationships, (e.g. building trust is prerequisite to developing business transaction. High-context cultures prefer to group to harmonize and to develop consensus to have individual achievement. People in these cultures are less governed by reason than by intuition or feelings. Words are not so important as context, which might include the speaker’s tone of voice, facial expression, gestures, posture – even the person’s family history and status.
Low-context cultures (North America and much of Western Europe) are logical, linear, individualistic, and action-oriented. People from low-context cultures value logic, facts, and directness. Solving a problem means lining up the facts and evaluating one after another. Decisions are based on fact rather than intuition. Discussions end with actions. And communicators are expected to be straightforward, concise, and efficient in telling what action is expected. To be absolutely clear, they strive to use precise words and intend them to be taken literally. Explicit contracts conclude negotiations. This is very different from communicators in high-context cultures who depend less on language precision and legal documents. High-context business people may even distrust contracts and be offended by the lack of trust they suggest.
There are even identified cultural metrics metrics to these findings like diversity, time-orientation, humor, adaptation, among others, but personally when I said appreciation of cultural differences, I meant to pertain to learn how to co-exist with each other, despite dissimilarities and distinctions especially in this globalizing and integrating worlds.
I was once singled-out by a good friend from Michigan (in a group composed of Taiwanese,Thai, and Malaysian) in a simple headcount for food choice, she said “Mervin, you’re a Filipino not Asian, and we ran out dumplings, you can handle quiche right?!”
It takes expertise to understand cultures, and someone as “glocalized” as Mr, Murrain to muster the things he highlighted in this article. There muddy waters in many parts of the world, wherever and whenever we have to cross them, let’s cross as humans (thinking beings).
Thank you so much, Mervin, for your very interesting and excellent comments about cultures. I appreciate your compliments. Even though I have 28 years of extensive experience in the Philippines and among my many wonderful Filipino friends in 4 different countries, I still learn new things almost daily! Everyday unfolds a new adventure.
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
Sorry I’m so much later than everyone else in responding. I just wanted to say, Gary, that pretty much everything you say in this column matches what I’ve read in books about the Philippines regarding personal conduct. It always makes sense for us Americans to submerge our egos and seeming need to “share” our opinions when we travel out of the country, even Canada. Some of us have figured out but it’s cringeworthy to be around Yanks who haven’t. It reflects poorly on all of us.
The value that Pinoy place on respect and common decency toward others is one of the things I’ve found myself drawn to with the PI. I’ve gotten so tired of dealing with people in America spoiling for a confrontation, especially in politics (where I’ve seen friendships and family relationships ruined because someone doesn’t share another’s opinion). The prospect of being in a place where harmony and respecting others’ dignity are important has more appeal than ever.
I’m still considering the expat experience and have narrowed my short list of prospective landing spots down to 3 or 4 countries, but the PI still tops the list mostly because I have such a good impression of the people there. They just sound super!
Hi Bruce B,
It is never too late to respond to one of my articles and thank you for your comments.
It is great hearing that you are considering the Philippines as an option for your expat experience and I wish you all the best. If you have any questions, please post on our Retiring to the Philippines Forum, which can be accessed from our homepage. Steve and I are always happy giving the most up to date information about the Philippines to our readers.
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
Hi again, Gary, and thank you again for a good piece. I am appalled at what you wrote about the bad manors and disrespect some foreigners have towards Filipinos. We have heard of the rude American but this takes it to another level. The rule of thumb I use is this: it is their land and we are the visitors. We are to respect them and their ways, and we should be and act grateful for their hospitality in allowing us to visit or live there. I did make a booboo once, eight years ago, which I still remember. It was 4:30 in the morning, I was very tired, and the neighbor had a Catholic service of some kind with a volume which could have been heard a mile away, and it pounded through my head. Such a thing is illegal in the U.S. I got up and crankily said to them, “I can’t sleep,” and then walked away. I did not know until later that I had insulted them, and one of them wanted to beat me up. I feel badly about that and will apologize if I see them again. My Filipina wife can help me learn the customs better once we move there, but I think another rule of thumb should be to be nice, polite and considerate. If we do make mistakes the locals can see we are trying and they will forgive us. Attitude is what matters. Bless you, Bob.
HI Bob,
Thank you for your comments.
I think all of us have complained about something while in the Philippines, however, it’s the ones who are nonstop who create the problems. Also the ones who are disrespectful to Filipinos when they voice their concerns.
Some foreigners have an air of superiority and make it known to Filipinos.
Take care and blessings to you and yours.
~ Gary ~