Do you remember the words to the old song, “Looking for love in all the wrong places?” There is a lot of truth in the song and people the world over make mistakes by looking for their lifetime partner in the wrong places. Retiring to the Philippines as a single guy and looking for your partner in life can be exciting and it will be a life changing event, whether it turns out good or bad! Philippine dating scams are a fact and it's something that every foreigner should be aware of.
There are many dating sites on the internet where a guy from just about any country in the world can find a pretty woman. Some of these dating sites have been around for many years and some have an excellent reputation, however, none of these sites, no matter how famous, can guarantee that you won't encounter a shark! This would be impossible because there are not any dating sites willing to spend their money to do a background check on their members before they approve them to post and communicate with others on their site.
Love And Romance As a Business
The Philippine Government is not as poor as many perceive but poverty and unemployment remains a major problem in the country. The situation is improving but this issue will not be resolved overnight.
First of all, I would like to shoot down the myth that every Filipina is willing to have a relationship or marry any foreigner who is available, regardless of their age, or is willing to even marry a foreigner in the first place! This is not true, although there are many who are very eager and willing. Why? The Philippine dating scam is their business! It is how they survive. It is not uncommon for some women to have 10 or more foreign guys sending them money on a regular basis from their home country because they believe they are the love of her life and they think they are the one and only.
I think the computer and the internet is one of the most marvelous inventions to meet filipinas but let's face reality. Can we? The internet is being used every second to scam someone out of their money! A beautiful woman can collect thousands of US Dollars every month from single, older, lonely guys in foreign countries if she is a smooth operator. Tens of thousands of guys are duped worldwide by this money collecting scam and they are fit to kill when they make the discovery! However, the one they should blame the most is not often blamed and that person is none other than themselves! The woman did not put a gun to their heads to rob them and she did not hack into their bank accounts to steal their money. No, the guys were not only willing but they were very happy to send their money to the woman, in hopes of receiving love and romance in return!
Philippine Dating Scam Stories
The names have been changed but since these are true stories, I want to personalize their stories and illustrate the Philippine dating scam. An American friend, Jerry, met a very beautiful lady, Marla, in Manila and she was originally from Pangasinan, Philippines. Yes, I met her personally and she was not only beautiful but she spoke perfect English and she was really so charming in all aspects. Marla was 29 at the time, had never been married and she did not have children. She also had a good job at a Philippine government agency. She was perfect in every way, it appeared. Jerry was a generous guy and had spent a good bit of money during the course of their relationship. He had also helped several of Marla's relatives during an alleged financial crisis. Jerry took an extended leave of absence from his job in the USA to spend time with Marla and the wedding was planned within a week. At that time, Jerry had a bombshell dropped right on top of him that almost destroyed his life! He was so happy but after the bombshell, sadly, he even thought of killing himself! The Philippine dating scam can be devastating and can literally ruin lives.
A cousin of Marla met Jerry secretly and told him that Marla had 5 children and each child was fathered by a different guy! At first, Jerry thought that the cousin was only trying to destroy the relationship so she could move in as Marla's replacement. That evening, Jerry invited Marla and a few of her family members to a restaurant and they had a private dining room reserved. After the meal, Jerry asked Marla why she had lied to him and why she did not tell him about her children from the beginning, as he could have accepted the fact if she had been honest. Marla broke down crying and her Aunt told Jerry that they were planning to tell him before the wedding. Jerry excused himself from the table, saying he was going to the restroom, and he walked out of the restaurant. No, he never communicated with Marla again and his small act of revenge was, Marla and her family had to pay the bill in the 5 Star Restaurant!
Tommy, from Florida, found the love of his life in Cebu City. Her name was Jhanine. Yes, many in the Philippines like adding the letter “h” in their names to be unique! Jhanine was 23 and she worked in a call center. She was also very beautiful, had excellent English skills and she seemed to be a 10 on a scale of 1-10. Tommy was in heaven on earth! Tommy planned filing a fiance visa with US Immigration and marrying Jhanine in the USA. A few nights before Tommy was to fly back to Florida and file the fiance visa paperwork, a few expat friends invited him to Papillon Bar for a bachelor's party of sorts. The second exotic dancer on stage was announced as Tianna but she was none other than Jhanine! She recognized Tommy in the bar, near the stage, and gave him a personal performance! They got together after the club closed and had a long and often heated discussion.
Jhanine blasted Tommy first for being in an exotic dance club and no, she had not told him that she worked there. Tommy blasted Jhanine for not being honest about where she worked. Jhanine told Tommy that she was only a dancer but not a prostitute! She said she danced for tips and received commission from the drinks ordered when she sat with customers and talked to them. She flat out refused to admit that she slept with any of the customers. Maybe she didn't? Jhanine told Tommy about her poor parents and having 5 brothers and sisters. Jhanine related that she had no choice but to work in Papillon because it was a high paying job and she could not even support herself if she worked at a department store! Regardless, Tommy remains undecided if he will file the fiance visa paperwork to bring Jhanine to the USA for marriage, however, they still communicate every day.
Over the past 28 years, I have met a number of expats who are very happily married to a lady from the Philippines and some met them on the Internet and some even in bars. It has worked out for them and they were not victims of a Philippine dating scam. However, I also know many other expats who were lied to, scammed out of their money and used just as a ticket to other countries and a permanent visa! Personally, I have met many Filipinas since 1986 in the Philippines and in 3 other countries. Yes, I was single until 2003! During my experience, I have found that most of the ladies in the Philippines are honest and they are truly looking for a guy to love them, be faithful to them, treat them nicely and provide a secure life for them. Some Filipinas have the mentality that her foreign husband must also take care of her family in the Philippines but not all Filipinas have that attitude. My wife certainly does not!
Philippine dating scams are all too real and if you're not careful, you could become a victim. The best way to ensure that you don't become another statistic is to do some research into finding a good Filipina, and find out whether the stories you're being told are true.
You wouldn’t start a long term relationship with a woman in the US that you don’t really know?
Why would you do so with a filipina, let alone sending money to her blindly?
Gary McMurrain says
No Kristophr, I sure would not start a long term relationship with a woman I did not know well in the USA, the Philippines or anywhere else I ever lived!
Some foreign guys think that *all* Filipinas are for sale and if they flash the cash, they will belong to them. Another myth that is far from the truth. Many guys set themselves up to be scammed!
~ Gary ~
Calvin Sparrow says
I can tell you for sure I would never take care of a woman’s family. I would help by sending someone to school and even then only one or two at the most ever. I am a firm believer that if you are able bodied you should earn on your own.
Watching and listening as carefully as possible is a way to not be taken for a sucker, but you have to have the mindset of a cynic to some degree. It has always worked for me
Gary McMurrain says
The key is having your wife set the limits from Day One with her family about financial help. My wife did! We would not let anyone die and would help with a medical bill if we can afford it but due to my wife’s limit-setting, we are not bothered by anyone asking for money unless it is indeed a very important issue, which we would also have to agree that it is very important.
If I see a *real* need, I will give without being asked and put some money in someone’s hand, giving them some relief. They don’t have to be a relative.The money is always returned to me in other ways, several times over!
Have a great day!
Carrie Basille says
My brother, an accomplished and smart gay man in his early fifties, called me yesterday. He asked if some expats in the Philippines might not fully accept him and his long-time partner (a Filipino-American gay doctor) because of their sexual orientation. They plan to retire to Baguio City next year — they bought a house there a few years ago. I suggested that they become RTTP members so they could start a discussion thread on “gay expats” and try to feel the water. I told them that Gary, being a psychologist and a man of great wisdom and compassion who has no prejudiced bone in his body, may allow them to post their thread messages. I hope some of your readers/users would reply to this particular comment.
They won’t have a problem with their relationship being accepted among expats or locals in most any good sized city in RPH. Baguio is somewhat progressive so I don’t think it would be an issue.
great very for me i have learned a lot thank you all
What are some dating sites where I could meet an honest Filipino woman, and not be worried about being scammed and they do screenings on the ladies that register with them?
Steve Fleming says
Just as in life, there are no guarantees and any dating site you decide to join, you’ll be taking a chance. All you can do is do your due diligence and trust your instincts. Even then you may still be wrong but at least you’ve followed you instincts and not your heart. If anybody tells you that a particular dating site is completely free of scammers then run a mile my friend.
In the words of my dear old mother… “walk slowly and carry a big stick” LOL
Good luck out there.
It’s so true, it’s almost sad. In communication with ladies on various dating sites from the Pilippines, I have run through a few attempted scams. I have also talked to a few amazingly honest ladies that were actually looking for a mate. I plan on traveling in the fall and meet some of these ladies.
I do get a bit of a thrill string the scammers along until they get irritated and block me. It’s very good practice to learn their techniques. Some can be very subtle others are outright crude.
As always, take care, and send no money.
This is indeed true. Just like any other countries, you will meet good and bad people, you just have to be observant.
Just an advice to all who’s searching honest filipina.. If they are becoming agressive or somehow perverted talking to you, it is definitely a scam.. Decent filipinas won’t take the iniatiative and they want to be chased by the man, not the other way around. They are gentle and shy people, and won’t ask money from you in the internet. Goodluck. ^_^
Ron Garrett says
Be EXTREMELY careful about who you get involved with. They may have secret plans and talk among their families about what they are expecting to happen. If their plans for your money don’t go the way the want, they can retaliate by claiming false charges against you. An American was just released from serving 5 years in the Philippine Prison, due to a woman who refused to pay him for home construction that he had completed, by claiming he raped her. In the Philippines, it is not for the accuser to provide the proof, but it is for the accused to prove their innocence. His attorney had proof that he was nowhere in her vicinity when the alleged rape took place, but it still took 5 years to prove his innocence. Some can be vindictive, so please be careful.
look for the woman who would:
1. not ask for money from you, even if she really needs it–she has a lot of relatives believe me (i would be ashamed to ask money from someone i am not close to unless I make sure to pay it back)
2. have her own job and not just relying on you to send money
3. educated* and certainly not narrowing their prospect to getting rich by marrying a foreigner
4. good at english so you can easily communicate with them (and measure their wit and intelligence :D)
–well those are subjective, there are women out their who may not speak good English but is entirely honest to goodness on you. however, the mentality of marrying foreigners to have a better life is very common. So make sure not to flash your cash around prospective dates, What you show, is what you get. Sensible and modest women don’t go looking for men flashing their cash up to attract girls or posting a “want some sex” signage on their foreheads.
I met a filipina online a few months ago. The first week she sent me a few extremely x-rated photos of herself. I never requested. I backed away for. Couple of days. She regreted her actions. Since then she has been decent and open. Im confused even after 8 months. Should i trust her ? She is really a nice lady. 47 yrs old , widow.
Steve Fleming says
The unrequested x-rated pictures sound like a red flag to me. If she’s sending them to you then you can certainly bet she’s sending them to plenty of other guys too and will continue to do so throughout any kind of ‘relationship’ you might have. I’d get out asap and try to find a decent Filipina. – Steve
Hello Robert, it is difficult to say without knowing this Filipina personally, but one thing to consider is how Filipinas see American men. We have the reputation for being lustful sex addicts. Perhaps she was trying to please you and your needs. It could be also that she is luring you with her feminine charms, but thinking negatively without knowing could spoil a potentially good future relationship. It is too bad that she showed you those unwholesome pictures. You say you have been in contact with her for eight months? How do you feel about her? Are you willing to travel to the Philippines to see her and get to know her better? I am glad you were put off by those explicit pictures. You are one of the decent men in this country. If you do visit her, stay in separate bedrooms or even separate houses. No doubt she will want to show you off to her family if you take the trip. Watch very closely and observe how she interacts with family and friends. One thing which helped me to come to know my Filipina wife better before deciding I wanted to marry her was to chat with her on webcam. I could see her face when she typed something and her face always lined up with her words. She was truly sincere. A lot of Filipinas in the chat rooms have an angle and you know that you had better keep a tight grip on your wallet with them. Fortunately my future wife was not one of those. I hope you can find a way to know this woman better. Don’t give up yet. A sincere and wholesome Filipino makes a good wife. Best wishes.
Hello. I realise this is an old thread but I wanted to take a chance and ask. I used to like a Philippina’s Instagram posts a lot over the last couple of years. We had never spoken. Recently, a month ago we reconnected. We have never met in person. She was not doing well and asked me to send her money since she doesn’t have a bank account, right before we started dating. But she is also a school teacher. We have started dating long distance (I am in the US) and she says she is in love with me. I am also falling for her. We do video chat a lot. It’s only been a month or so. Her stories match up otherwise but the two things that are bothering me are – 1. How does someone, who teaches in a private school, have a job but not a bank account? 2. We also have a 20 year age difference. Does this sound like a scam? I am really confused. Please help. Thanks.
To me it doesnt sound good that she is asking for money as so many do.
Yes it is perfectly normal that she doesnt have a bank account. A lot dont have.