The coconuts are piling up! It has been my experience over the past 27 years that there are some fabulous expats who have made the Philippines their home, however, every expat you meet in the Islands is not your friend! All expats in the Philippines do not have any intentions of being your friend and some set out from day one to cause you problems. Call it the Green Eyed Monster, Crab Mentality or plain old being mean as hell, you will meet these guys here. The mentalities of jealousy, if I can’t have it-you can’t have it and I am going to rain on your parade prevails among more than I care to think about!
What is a Kano? In Negros Occidental, some locals refer to all foreigners as “Kano.” This is actually a shortened form of Amerikano or Americano. You can be from Germany, Australia or the UK or anywhere and still be referred to as a Kano! This is not a racial slur or meant to be with disrespect but it can be, if used in a certain context. The coconut telegraph is basically the gossip or informal news network on the tropical islands. Many think that only Filipinos have a coconut telegraph, however, expats have one, too.
To Greet Or Not To Meet
The times are changing! When walking in the malls and in other places around Bacolod City, I see expats everywhere. A number of expats will look at you, sometimes even look you in the eye and then quickly look away. Some expats see you and you know they see you but they quickly stare over your head like you are not there.
I am a friendly type guy and I have the courtesy to greet expats when I see them, even if only with a nod of my head. Or, I may say, “How’s it going?” as I am passing by. If they reply, I will stop, but if not, I keep on trucking about my business. Just because I greet someone or nod my head to acknowledge their existence in my community, this does not mean I am looking to meet them for lunch or be invited to their house for a few cold ones! I remember a time in the Philippines when there were fewer expats actually living here, when expats were much more friendlier to others than nowadays. However, that is just alright with me if other expats are not friendly. If I wanted to surround myself with so many American friends, I would have kept myself at home in Florida!
I had the pleasure of having lunch with one our members of our expats forum the other day and it was a very pleasant experience. He was nice, friendly and had questions to ask about living in the Bacolod area full time. I enjoyed the experience very much and it is always nice meeting those who enjoy our online expat magazine, Retiring to the Philippines! Yes, I have met more than a few over the past 6 months.
The Expat Community
There are some expats in the Bacolod area who refuse to meet up with other expats because they say that they had bad experiences in the past in other areas of the Philippines. For me, this may be extreme but I can respect their opinion. I enjoy a balance. It is nice getting together and talking about sports in our home counties, about the latest political issues and talking about things our own countrymen can relate to, however, I don’t require this to be happy in the Philippines! I can read all about it on the internet. We have Dream Satellite, so I can watch the world news!
I enjoy getting together once every month with a small group of expats who have made Bacolod their home. Overall, they are a great group of guys. So are their wives. I can pick and choose who I want to socialize with outside these expat lunches! If I sense a potential conflict, I avoid the people. There are expats who live in the Philippines who enjoy bashing, trashing and putting down the Philippines, Filipinos and the vibrant Filipino culture. When I meet these guys, I wonder why they are here but actually, I already know why and it is for selfish reasons, plain and simple. Frankly, I would like to tell them “Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more!” Nice song by Ray Charles, by the way! However, I have no authority to run these guys out of the islands. By the same token, they have no right in their attempt to dampen the spirit and ruin the excitment of those who really enjoy retiring to and living in the Philippines.
Some expat communities in the Philippines have a very active association. If you run into trouble or need help, there is a hotline you can call and the expats in the community will rally around you and help you sort out things. If they don’t have a referral for you, they will locate one!
This past week has been a mixed bag among the expat community members. I meet a few nice guys for the very first time and I also ran into a few guys who I avoid at all costs but I could not just dig a hole and disappear! So, I was still nice and friendly, even though I will always disagree with them on their view of the Philippines!
When you retire to the Philippines or spend quality time here for pleasure, you can also strike the balance you need to being happy concerning socializing with expats. I have met some expats in the Philippines and we have become lifelong friends! That is always nice.
The expats who want to spread gossip and outright lies on the coconut telegraph about you and your Philippine family are best avoided!
Nice article, Gary.
Thank you much, Thom. I am glad you enjoyed my article.
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
Hey Gary, thanks for the article. Married a pinay there 2014…really looking forward to getting back. I would enjoy meeting you and finding out about the Bacolod area. My wife spent most of her life around Osamis City, so we both want to explore some more of the islands. Retiring in a few months from the USA public school system. I’ll buy you lunch one day….
Greg and Brigitte,
Greg – Thanks for your comment. Gary is no longer associated with RTTP so I don’t expect he’ll be responding. There’s an expat meetup at Nature Village Resort in Bacolod on the first Saturday of the month, so you’ll find a lot of folks there, to give you advice and guidance.
Hope that helps.
Steve
Spot on, expats should be aware of potential problems with some of the problem ‘kanos’ that end up unhappy and embittered in the Philippines. They seem to want to drag others down to their level of existence.
It has surprised me how few expats will even make eye contact and nod a greeting to other expats (ie me !!) but perhaps I should not worry about it too much now.
Paul
Once I decided to come to the Philippines, my first five years were spent traveling. I’ve seen approximately 65% of the country and found expats in virtually every location I dared to take my motorbike. I’ve come across the introverted loner who wanted very little to do with me, as well as the jolly drunk who appreciated an English/German/Dutch speaking audience. I learned that, despite what most expats wish to believe, there is no universal basis for assuming that we are kindred spirits. After a while I found it best not to reach out, but to let them approach me since I was the newbie on their turf with no idea about how to hail a saint or an ogre.
I have yet to stop traveling, but the bike is gone and I’ve kept rooms/apartments for more than two years in more than one location. My observations are that expats, when they are in sufficient numbers, build exclusionary barriers based loosely on a convoluted combination of nationality; mutual interests, political leanings, affluence and probably, more telling, the character and ability of the persons with whom they cohabitate.
A pensioned-off Belgian coal miner father of three married to a seemingly upstanding, religious, low wage school teacher, quite likely wants little to do with the well-dressed Australian dandy moving through the shopping mall with his jewelry be-decked, orange-haired, female companion, and vice-versa. Not so strange when you think about it, not really different from back home, is it. Yet, if they meet in a computer store and start speaking in binary, they want to become closer. The fight starts when orange hair calls school teach a fake and teach calls her a trollop. From that point forward, the twain may never meet. In my experience, it’s the women that start the noise characterized by assignation on the basis of what Gary calls the “Green Monster” I have my reservations that “green” is primarily related to unhappiness except in that place where pragmatism and optimism leave each other no space to maneuver.
A whole bunch of expats flag me down and make me feel good for having met them. Some give me what I call “the thousand yard stare”, which I think may be related to the fact that (1) they assume I’m not presentable to their wives (2) they don’t want me to know how poorly they live (3) they are socially inept.
Gordon
I can’t speak for all nationalities but there was a time when Americans had the kindred spirit when they met each other abroad. That was some 27 years ago but that is how it was. back in those days, And not only among Americans.
I met Sean Chambers, who was an American basketball player in the PBA and he played for the Alaska Milkmen. I met Loretta Lynn, the famous American County and Western singer, and her hubby Moony, in the Holiday Inn Lounge, El Camerote. I met other foreigners, who were not American, such as an elderly New Zealand gentleman, who asked me to dance with his lovely young Filipina wife at the Sheraton Lounge because he could not dance. I met two Australian students who studied at Fatima Medical University in Valenzuela, Metro Manila. In each instance, we made eye contact and a light turned on! We felt we were compadres!
My wife worked abroad for almost 15 years. She told me not once during that period did she *ever* see a another Filipino abroad look away or look over the head of another Filipino! They always stopped and chatted, even if only for a few minutes!
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
Sad to want to throw the baby out w/ the bathwater as it were; but I’d like to avoid most americans. I get along w/ Europeans much better. Maybe it’s all the fluoride in the water here. I’m leaving to get away from ’em. But from what I’m reading & seeing, there are lots of ’em where I’d like to stay. Any particular place to ‘avoid’ americans except for the good ones? As if that’s possible.
Charles,
There are more than 300,000 American citizens living all over the Philippines, according to the US Dept of State statistics. You have the choice to avoid Americans or whoever else you wish to avoid in the Philippines. You do not have to socialize with foreigners at all if you do not wish. Most of the people I socialize with are my Filipino friends and family members.
However, there are some “Good Americans” in the Bacolod Area! I have known some for the past 4 years and they are nice, day in and day out. It they were not really nice, their true self would have revealed itself by now. Working in Mental Health and Corrections for 27 years in the States, I know that people can only “front” for so long!
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
I do not live in the Philippines, but I have spent a lot of time there and love it. I have no real desire to reach out to many Americans. I say Americans because they are the nationality in the Philippines that I have seen cause the most problems.
I am American, and proud of it, but I get so tired of hearing Americans complain about things in the Philippines. I many times wonder why they even bother to live there.
In many cases I might nod or say hi to them, but I do not have any real desire to be buddy buddy with most of them. I do have American and foreign friends there…but I must feel REALLY comfortable with them to even be around them for a few minutes.
The Philippines is the most wonderful place I have ever been…even with the issues the Philippines has. Why these disgruntled Americans can’t seem to find happiness there is beyond me. I have a strong feeling these guys (and sometimes gals) can’t be happy anywhere.
So true, Todd. I am also American and some of my fellow countrymen create a lot of problems here and also some expats from other countries. Their behaviors affect us all to some extent.
I have shared lunch and a meeting with a group of expats on a regular basis in Bacolod since 2010 and most are Americans but also some are from UK and Australia. The regular crew are all a good bunch of guys and their wives, too! It is nice talking about things we can relate to and most in our group do not complain about silly things or bash the Philippines/Filipinos. We do have a few non-regulars drop by and most often, they are looking for an audience to rant about the Philippines, The best way to shut them up is to ignore their comments and keep on talking about the good things here, which far outweigh the few negatives.
i have my own personal check list in my head, so I know which expats I enjoy being around and which ones I get as far away from as possible! Most are pretty consistent in their behavior but I realize some do have a bad day from time to time, so I think a second chance is sometimes warranted. Just to see what happens next time!
My Filipino friends outnumber my expat friends easily 10-1 and I am happy with that arrangement.
Have a great day!
~ Gary ~
Gary, what does dream satellite cost per month and why did you choose them?
Rick,
Dream Satellite has a very good reputation. We initially bought it because there was a promo, 10 months free. Nowadays, the cost is only P390 per month for the basic package, which includes about 32 stations, including HBO and Star Movies.
~ Gary ~
Great articles Gary, I also live in Bacolod city 6 months of the year with my wife and your info to people is right on. Just came back to the usa in jan and cannot wait to return in may. Thanks for all of the info some of which I did not even realize after going there for 10 years now.
Thank you, Micheal. I appreciate your nice compliments and I am happy you enjoy our site. If you ever want to meet up for coffee, a beer or whatever the next time you are in Bacolod, just give us a shout.
Take care,
~ Gary ~
I live north of Mabalacat, Pampanga, where Europeans and Australians outnumber Americans about 10 to 1. During the heyday of Clark and Subic it wasn’t that way. Most of the Americans here now are “OLD”, much so than in the 80s and 90s. I have both a PNP Officer and school superintendent for neighbours, both agree with me that when there are some bad apples in the community, they are often mischaracterized as American, when in fact they are usually Australian. Just read the police blotters for the major populated areas, it is not Americans being hauled to the calaboose. I am fortunate to have many friends; European, Australians, North American, but mostly native Philippines. I do however do not associate with anyone who runs down my paradise.
BTW, “It’s More Fun in the Philippines”.
I’m always excited to meet a friendly ex pat when I’m in the Philippines. I’m always interested in their story how they ended up living here. I have met my fair share who just want to put everything down about the country and yes I do wonder why they are there then. There the ones I try to avoid! I also have many Pinoy friends who love a good conversation and a feed. I love the Philippines and the people. I try to stick to the saying. ” When in Rome do as the Romans . I find most people respect that. The ex pats and the Filipino…