For many years, some expats have spread the tale that any and every Filipina is willing to marry a foreigner regardless of his age! It is not true. Of course, there are some who will, seeing the marriage as a financial opportunity but their agenda is not including being a faithful, loving wife. Others actually fall in love with an older gentleman and they see age as only a number, so the large age gap does not come into play.
Many older men plan to marry in the Philippines and many others petition a Filipina fiance through their country's Immigration so they can marry at home. One common mistake that many of these men make is the opposite of the Filipina attitude. Age is a very important number to the men and they are not seeking a soul mate or a loving wife, who will be their best fried. No, they are seeking a number, an age, between the ages of 21-29! That is their priority and main criteria. Most any will do, as long as they are willing to marry an older man and as long as they are lovely and beautiful. This is the beginning of sitting on a powder keg.
Too Old To Cut The Mustard?
Most younger Filipinas enjoy going out, dancing, singing, having fun, traveling around taking in the sights and living a life full of happiness and laughter. Many Filipinas, regardless of age also enjoy much of the same things. Once the honeymoon is over and the older guy has settled into his usual life pattern, his new young wife realizes that she married a bitter, non-active and boring old man! It takes some work to keep up and not just settling into being a homebody and thinking your young wife is going to enjoy sitting at home being a nursemaid or caregiver. This does not happen over the long haul, in many instances. Probably not in most instances!
I personally know couples who have a 30 or more year age gap between them but they are both still madly in love and enjoy being together as much as possible. One of the main reasons is because the hubby has taken on the youth of his wife and he is really having the time of his life! He has been invigorated and rejuvenated. Hey, isn't that really one of the purposes of marrying a younger women? No sitting around on the computer for long hours at a time, day in and day out, neglecting and ignoring their wife. Some guys have internet businesses and their income requires they spend a lot of time online, which is understandable, however, they can still take breaks. They can still take their wife out for a good time!
Because he is an older man and he has a young beautiful wife, as time goes by, he begins to let his mind become the devil's playground. At every turn, he thinks his wife is unfaithful or plotting to hook up with a much younger handsome man. And then, the powder-keg is closer to exploding! The wife is often accused of infidelity, the trust is no longer there, the heated confrontations begin to take their toll and it doesn't take long. I am not saying that some younger wives do not cheat on their older husbands, however, many times, it is all in the mind of the man. The accusations are unfounded and pure nonsense.
Trust should be one of the main ingredients to any long term relationship and it cannot be one sided. Both partners must trust one another. Some ladies think a little jealousy shows that their man loves them because some men do not care what their wives do, as long as they do not bug them! They want to do their own thing and it does not include the wife. Yes, the wives also know that end of the spectrum. “You don't care one thing about me!”
Age Is Only A Number
This can certainly be the 100% true philosophy and attitude. There is some real truth in that you are only as old as you feel. This is also a philosophy and attitude that I think more men should take on. I have known for years that the age group of 30-40 in the Philippines is one of the most neglected age groups among foreigners when looking for the gem, to be their wife, as a relationship develops. Many of these ladies in the Philippines have established careers, they are highly educated, many have lived and or/traveled to other countries outside the Philippines and due to their maturity level, they have a solid and clear head on their shoulders. They are not a young, inexperienced lady from the countryside, who has never spent time in a city and whose only goal is to marry a foreigner who will take care of her family.
Age gap can be a powder keg in a relationship, if the guy allows it to become an issue, on both sides of the fence, but it does not have to go down like that. I still recall one young lady crying to my wife and I about her feelings were more of being a caregiver and a nurse, rather than being a wife. She said her husband really became old after they married. I guess she forgot that he was 73 when they married and she was only 26!
A relationship requires nurturing and being able to maintain the pace over the long haul. It is something to think about, isn't it?